Be More Engaging Than the Algorithm
EP245 w/Erin Loechner Pt. 2
Regarding technology in my home, I’ve failed my kids.
As a pioneer parent in the digital age, I repeat to myself the narrative, I did the best I could with what I knew at the time.
But the reality is this: I did not always do my best.
Sometimes I neglected to set tech boundaries to avoid conflict with a contentious kid. Sometimes I failed to follow through with an established boundary out of sheer laziness and luxury of having kids occupied for hours at a time. Every electronic device my kids own (the very devices that have trapped and addicted them and have stolen years of their lives), I purchased for them with my own cash-money and presented to them as gifts.
Every. Single. One.
My youngest child turned 18 last week. This means I am now the proud mama of three young adults. It also means it’s too late for me to establish The Cooper Family as a low-tech household. Sure, I can live by example (and I do). Sure, I can have meaningful conversations with my adult kids about the dangers of social media and addictive technology (and I do). But in most ways, this ship has sailed. What’s done is done.
Or is it?
My aim in this book is to offer a new path to consider as you think about your family’s approach to digital living. As you’ll soon find out, this revolutionary journey doesn’t call for parental-control apps, arbitrary time limits, or complicated reward charts. This road travels into far deeper territory, and the map comes from the most unlikely of sources: the algorithm itself.
What if we stole the secrets of the boardroom and the tech wizards and the platform experts? What if we gathered the internet’s greatest tips and tricks to guarantee delight online and used them to grow delight offline? What if we unpacked every sneaky strategy technology uses to get us to opt all the way in and we flipped the script? Could we rebuild our lost lives? Would we gain back our time and our attention and our energy? Could we learn to be more engaging than the algorithm?
-Erin Loechner, The Opt-Out Family
As I was preparing for this interview with Erin, I considered her challenge to “be more engaging than the algorithm.” I know how to do that with a 6-year-old (play trains/dolls), a 12-year-old (shoot baskets/jump on the trampoline), or even a 17-year-old (popcorn and a movie).
But how do I do that with a 23-year-old? What’s “more engaging” to a 23-year-old college student whose entire social circle exists in the online gaming community?
Spending time with his MOM?!?
Also, WHEN do I find time to be more engaging? The hands-on parenting years are done and I’ve happily moved on. It’s not like I’m enjoying giant gaps of free time where I can readily insert a “more-engaging-than-the-algorithm” activity with a 20-something young man.
But then I remembered cooking.
Like all of you, we eat every day. Several times a day, actually. :)
And I cook dinner most of those days.
What if I invited my son to cook something with me?
It’s something I’m already doing ✅.
It’s something I enjoy ✅.
It’s also something he’s shown interest in✅.
But would it be enough to lure him away from his devices for an hour or two?
The answer is yes. A resounding yes! Not once, but twice.
It turns out, that not only does Elijah love cooking, but he’s really good at it!
We laughed the whole time. The food was delicious.
He wants us to start a YouTube cooking channel.
Maybe there’s still time to undo some of my mistakes.
This week I welcome Erin Loechner back to The Balanced MomCast for Part 2 of our 2-Part conversation.
If you missed Part 1, go back and listen to that first.
More about Erin
Founder of global tech-free movement The Opt-Out Family, Erin Loechner is a former social media influencer who walked away from a million fans to live a low-tech lifestyle—and is now teaching others how to do the same. Her cutting-edge work has been praised in the New York Times, the Washington Post, the Wall Street Journal, and the Huffington Post, as well as on the Today Show. When she’s not scrawling on her trusty steno pad, Erin, her husband, and their three kids spend their days chasing alpenglow, reading Kipling, and biking to town for more tortillas.
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Praying for you to find ways to be more engaging than the algorithm this weekend.
Love,
Sandy