Responding to the Inner Critic
How do you respond to yours?
Note to the reader: Every Monday I’m releasing an essay on Faith from The Scoop on Balance Archives. These essays pull back the curtain on my lifelong struggle with balance and my ongoing process of re-finding it.
I wrote this at the beginning of what I now know to be eight years (READ: 8 YEARS!!!) of an extremely difficult parenting situation that bled into a marriage situation that eventually drove us to a year of marriage counseling. (Intentionally cryptic to protect the privacy of my family.)
Original post date: 12/6/11
I have to admit, in the heat of the moment or the aftermath of confrontation, I listen to the wrong voice. I have a dark, inner voice. A voice that is relentless, merciless. It tells me I’m unworthy, unlovable, and unable. This inner voice accuses and screams so violently above the gentle whispers of my Heavenly Father, that it becomes nearly impossible for me to hear the Truth about myself.
(I understand now that the Inner Critic is a strong indication that I am an Enneagram One. But even if you don’t care about or know about your Enneagram number, I suspect you, too, hear a merciless voice. Maybe the voice doesn’t originate in your head like it does in mine. Maybe it’s an audible voice coming out of someone else’s head, through their mouth-hole, into your ears. Either way, this essay is for you. Read on.)
And so, more often than I’d care to admit (and as recently as, well…now), I embrace the accusations and align myself with the lies about who I am. Once I reach this point, only the Truth of God’s word has the power to convince me I am not a complete and utter failure as a mom, a wife, and a follower of Christ
One of my goals in life is to define myself by the Word of God, and the Word of God only. So, after a night of hearing and embracing lies, this morning I extracted some precious gems from God’s word—things I need to know about my identity in Christ.
And I figured that if I needed to hear them, maybe you need to hear them, too.
1. When you feel like, despite your very best effort, you continue to fail, the Truth is that God accepts you, not based on your righteousness, but because of His mercy.
“But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.” (Titus 3:4-7)
“It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption.” (I Corinthians 1:30)
2. When you feel alone, deserted, and misunderstood by the people you love the most, the Truth is that Jesus understands and empathizes with you. He was also deserted and misunderstood by his closest friends and family.
“Then all the disciples deserted him and fled.” (Matthew 26:56)
“Then Jesus entered a house, and again a crowd gathered, so that he and his disciples were not even able to eat. When his family heard about this, they went to take charge of him, for they said, “He is out of his mind.” (Mark 3:20-21)
3. And it gets better: He will be your Father, your Defender, your Husband, and your Friend. He is on your side, and it doesn’t really matter who isn’t.
“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.” (Psalm 68:5)
”For your Maker is your husband— the LORD Almighty is his name— the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.” (Isaiah 54:5)
”I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” (John 15:14-16)
”If God is for us, who can be against us? “ (Romans 8:31)
4. When you feel like you stink at juggling all the balls and your emotions simultaneously, the Truth is that He never asked you to perform in a comic circus. He holds you in His arms. He’s gentle with you.
“He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.” (Isaiah 41:11)
5. When you feel overcome and overpowered by darkness, the Truth is that God has given you authority over the darkness. You don’t have to put up with that crap.
“You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.” (Psalm 91:13)
“In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.” (Ephesians 6:16)
“You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them [evil spirits that do not come from God], because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world” (I John 4:4)
6. Finally, if God asks anything of you (parenting, work, marriage, ministry, trials, tests, suffering, loss…) you are not left to figure out how to perform it, navigate it, or endure it. He will fully strengthen and equip you for everything.
“Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen.” (Hebrews 13:20-21)
“…for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well-fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:11b-13)
Q4U: What lies do you hear about your identity today? Maybe I can help you extract the Truth about who you are.