False Peace
Why feeling “at peace” doesn’t always mean God is leading you
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For about three years, I was the Nursery and Preschool Director at my church. I had two small children at the time—babies, really—and worked on a volunteer basis. When I stepped into that role, I knew it was the perfect fit. I loved the work, the duties were in my wheelhouse, and I was honored to serve my newly planted church in that way.
But about two years into it, I started feeling like maybe I should step down.
Trying to work at the church with a toddler and a preschooler in tow was becoming more challenging. When I started, my son was a newborn in a car seat, and my daughter was a toddler who was content to sit quietly and look at board books while I worked.
But as my son started crawling, it became apparent that he’d never be content to sit quietly while I worked—ever, for the rest of his life. No, he’d climb up every chair, table, and shelf. He’d open locked doors and cabinets and toilet seats. He’d eat Legos. He’d wander out of buildings and into parking lots. Keeping him alive was my new full-time job.
Sometimes I’d hire a babysitter to watch my kids so I could work at the church. But since I worked on a volunteer basis and was not drawing a paycheck to cover the cost of childcare, it put a strain on our finances. I have strong personal convictions about remaining loyal to my commitments (thanks to my dad, who worked at the same factory for 40 years to provide for our family), and I also have a strong work ethic (thanks again, dad!). On top of that, I adored my pastor and his wife (still do) and didn’t want to disappoint them or leave them without a director over their children’s department. So, for months, I powered through, even though I was spending the majority of my working hours trying to keep my son from destroying the church.
After almost a year of vacillating between continuing to serve as Nursery and Preschool Director and stepping down, I finally decided to give my notice.
I remember sitting down with my pastors in my kitchen and explaining what I have just described to you. I probably cried a little. I knew this was not easy for them to understand, because most of the church staff—including them—had small children and were also working. I explained all my reasoning and how I had been wrestling with this for a full year.
Then I said, “I really have peace about this.”
My pastor looked at me from across the table and said, “Are you sure it’s God’s peace? Or are you just relieved because you’ve finally made a decision?”
That question exposed something I hadn’t considered. I couldn’t deny that it felt wonderful to finally have the dilemma resolved after struggling with it for so long. There’s nothing wrong with that feeling. But that feeling was not the peace of God.
The voice of God is the voice of peace, for sure. Scripture declares repeatedly that God leads us with His peace. But when God’s peace gets mixed up with our feelings, it can be difficult to discern.
Even Jesus distinguished between His peace and another peace.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” -John 14:27
Over the years, I’ve had people tell me they feel “peace” about situations that are clearly immoral or unwise. I have had friends use “peace” as the reason they had an affair and left their marriage. In college, a guy I wasn’t even dating and didn’t even like told me he had a “peace” about us getting married. (Um. No.) They were feeling something, for sure. But it wasn’t the peace of God.
God’s peace is sometimes hard to detect in us because urgent desires and pleasant experiences can overshadow it—even mimic it.
Things that Mimic God’s Peace
When we’re seeking to discern God’s peace in our circumstances, it’s helpful to consider whether what we are sensing is actually one or more of the following:
1. Relief that a decision has been made.
I personally hate living in a state of indecision. This causes problems for me in my ability to discern peace. Sometimes, if I wrestle with decisions for long periods of time, like the one I described earlier, the simple act of reaching a decision can feel a lot like God’s peace.
2. Release from discomfort or responsibility.
When we leave an extremely uncomfortable or stressful situation—especially one that has been uncomfortable and stressful for a long time—we will feel “peace” when we escape it. To be fair, your life may be legitimately more peaceful when you walk away from a difficult circumstance. If you come home every night to screaming and fighting with your spouse, it will be more peaceful to move out. No question. But we cannot confuse “release” with God’s peace. This can be especially dangerous when we are considering a job change, a relocation, or a divorce. For the record, God often leads us to endure painful trials and difficult circumstances. Rarely is the path of least resistance the path to God’s will.
3. A met need: food, shelter, clothing, love, attention, affection.
Just because someone or something is meeting our needs, it does not necessarily mean it is God leading us there. If your husband is emotionally distant and another man is paying all kinds of attention to you—laughing at your jokes, asking about your dreams, and calling you beautiful—that may feel like peace, but I promise you, it’s not the peace of God. In fact, many times God leads us to a desolate place—a needy place—so that we will turn to Him and allow Him to be our sole Provider. He will use suffering to produce something more valuable in us.
4. A met desire: lust, wealth, power, fame.
Sometimes the lure of our flesh and the satisfaction of those desires feel so “right.” When a new opportunity promises money or influence, we may confuse that with God’s peace. Our flesh is one of the loudest, most persistent voices within us. It incessantly screams for attention. When we finally give in to what the flesh wants, it feels great—but, again, that is definitely not God’s peace.
This doesn’t mean that our feelings and God’s peace are mutually exclusive. Sometimes it’s a mixture of both. This is exactly what my pastor was getting at when he questioned my “peace.”
So how do you know the difference?
It can be difficult to untangle strong emotions or favorable circumstances from the peace of God. If you sense peace about a decision, ask yourself the following questions to determine if it’s the peace of God or something else:
Does this decision honor God and bring glory to Him?
Is this decision rooted in love for other people?
Does this decision promote unity and peace within the Body of Christ?
If the answer is yes to all three of those questions, then it is probably the peace of God, even if it’s also mixed with complicated feelings.
I followed through and gave my notice that day, by the way. I didn’t know it at the time, but God was raising up another godly woman to replace me. And–total shocker–He was preparing our family for another cross-country move. Stepping down from this role was one of the many circumstances God had lined up to position us for that relocation. So, while it felt good to have made a decision and be released from a stressful situation, it was also the peace of God that led us into His will.
A Final Word
It can be tempting to approach hearing God and sensing His peace with formulas and check boxes. I mean, I love me some check boxes! But discerning God’s peace is more than that. It’s a lifelong practice of pursuing God’s heart.
As we pursue God, we’ll learn to discern the peace of God — because true peace is a fruit of the Spirit, a byproduct of walking with Him. It requires us to sit with our own motives, ask hard questions, and resist the urge to dress up relief or desire in spiritual clothing.
But when we do find it, we’ll recognize it. And we’ll learn to trust it more each time.
Let the peace of Christ –the inner calm of one who walks daily with Him–be the controlling factor in your hearts, deciding and settling questions that arise. To this peace indeed you were called as members in one body of believers. -Colossians 3:15
That’s exactly what we’re unpacking this week in The Abide Sessions as we study the inner voice: how to hear it, how to test it, and how to follow it with confidence. We’ll also study how the conscience relates to hearing God’s voice, and how clinical depression and anxiety can complicate it.
We’re a little over halfway through this study, and it’s not too late to join us! We’d love to have you!
Love,
Sandy
This is very good. I like what you wrote about peace feeling like relief. I am considering ending a decades long relationship (Not my marriage!!!) because I just want the relief of so much mental work to sustain it.
Wow. Totally needed to read this. Thank you for sharing.