What Will You Prayerfully Neglect for the Sake of Balance?

It's time to create your Holiday To-Don't List!

If this is your first time here, nice to meet you. My name is Sandy and I am prone to overwhelm.

Despite looking all relaxed and casual in this picture, I get overwhelmed with my responsibilities on a random Tuesday. So, if you tell me that, in addition to all the stuff I normally do, I also now need to decorate my home inside and out, attend multiple-many events, cook more complicated meals for more people, bake stuff I don’t normally eat, spend a bunch of extra money I don’t have, and travel…well, that’s a recipe for mental and emotional collapse.¹

What I’m saying is, since becoming a mom, the holidays have been a real struggle for me. Maybe for you, too?

The most helpful thing I do every year around this time is creating a Holiday To-Don’t List: A declaration to myself of what I will say no to this season.

What are you going to say no to? Well, it depends on a lot of things. You’ll need to ask yourself some good questions:

• What does your family no longer care about?

• What feels life-sucking to you?

• What did not go well last year?

• What can’t you afford to do financially?

The answers to those questions become viable candidates for your 2024 Holiday To-Don’t List.  

If right now you’re all, “Cool. Spending time with my in-laws is life-sucking…on the To-don’t list it goes!” Then hold on. The key to our To-Don’t List is the act of “prayerful neglect”.

Operative word: prayerful.

Sometimes God will give you peace and strength to endure an otherwise life-sucking situation. And, other times, God gives you the wisdom and permission to set it down for a season. 

You may not know the difference unless you sit with God and work through some questions. 

And that is why I created a short little workbook called Creating Your Holiday To-Don’t List. It’s completely free. Simply click this button to have immediate access.

Here are some examples of things that have appeared on previous Holiday To-Don’t Lists

1. Travel: We haven’t lived near family in 29 years. When we first moved away to Florida, both sides of our family hosted huge Christmas celebrations in Ohio. Unless it was an emergency, no one missed these events. The first time we said no to Christmas travel, (which for us meant 19 hours one way in a mini-van with two small children) it was a very, very big deal. But we said no anyway, for the sake of balance.

2. Gift Exchanges: The first gift exchanges we opted out of were with our adult siblings. Next, we stopped participating in the gift exchange with our kids and their cousins. Finally, we decided to stop doing the work office exchange. We gradually made these changes over a period of time, and now we don't participate in any group gift exchanges.

3. Holiday Events: Once upon a time, if someone was kind enough to invite us to something, I felt horrible saying no. But I felt even worse saying yes. One year when the kids were all in school and we had NO free evenings between November 10 and December 15, or something crazy like that. It’s all a blur, honestly. Since that time, I prayerfully consider each invitation and say no to some of them.

4. Sending Christmas cards. I like to say I’m on The Every Other Year Plan. Except for last year, when I skipped them again.

5. Social Media. Before I left social media for good a few years ago, December was often a month I said no to social media. If you are considering an extended social media break, December is a lovely time to do so. (Forever is also a lovely time to do so! 👍🏻)

Here are a few more pro tips for making your holiday to-don’t list:

1. If you keep a journal, start by reviewing your entries for November and December last year. Pay attention to how you felt during those months. If you were stressed and overwhelmed, why was that? If you were excited and joyful, why was that? 

2. If you don’t keep a journal, consider beginning a simple practice of writing one or two sentences a day describing what you’re doing today and how you feel. It’s great data for next year.

3. Think about three main buckets of activities that tend to be excessive during the holidays:

   1. Things that take up your time

   2. Things that cost you money

   3. Things that you eat

Each of those categories has limits and therefore requires planning and/or self-restraint. So, as you think through your holiday traditions and responsibilities, you can dump all the activities into one of these three buckets and then sit down with your free workbook and prayerfully sort through them.

When I was considering my Holiday To-Don't List last year, I thought maybe I could pare down my Thanksgiving dinner menu. So, I asked Elijah and Elliana, "What are your MUST HAVES for Thanksgiving dinner."

One of them said, "Turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, and dressing. Oh, and the turkey noodle soup you make the next day."

The other one said, "Sweet potato casserole, that orange-cranberry thing you make in the crockpot, green beans with carmelized onions and almonds, and your pumpkin pie. Mmmmmm. I love it when you make a regular pumpkin pie and also a vegan one…with the whipped coconut cream that you do in the mixer!"

And then Elijah said, "Oh yeah...I don't really like pumpkin pie...can you also make me a cheesecake?"

The only thing that no one said was "dinner rolls"—literally, the only thing that I don't make from scratch or seriously doctor up myself.

This is why I struggle, you guys.

Love,

Sandy

1. For a real-life illustration of a time just four Thanksgivings ago when that happened to me, listen to EP163: A Holiday Pep Talk for Moms.